Private Emotions
by KC Clark
Summary: What has Elle be up to since she left the BAU. R
1. Chapter 1

**Private Emotions**

Author's Note: One of my first fics for Criminal Minds. I never really was a Gideon/Elle shipper but I can actually see them together now for some reason.

Summary: What has Elle been up to since she left the BAU.

**Chapter 1: Unexpected Miracle**

_Og Mandino once said: 'Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.'_

Special Agent Jason Gideon walked up the front steps toward Elle's house. Since she had quite he had done nothing but think about her, dream about her still being close, and fantasies about being with her. Normally Gideon was a man of control but when it came to Elle he couldn't control his feelings for the tall dark beauty. He was in love with her but admitting it out loud was something he'd never do. Unless he was sure she felt the same why, then all bets were off.

Just as he reached the door Elle opened it, her keys and coat in her hand, obviously on her way out. The skirt she was wearing was short and barely covered her perfect ass. The front of her shirt dipped low and revealed the very nice, abundant swell of her breasts. She looked almost surprised to see him standing there. Her eyes were painted a deep blue, the shadow sparkling in the dim light of the moon and stars that littered the sky tonight.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you were coming over. I was just on my way to work." She said stepping out on the porch and pulling on her jacket. She reached up and pulled the mane of hair out of the back, the move making the shirt ride up and reveal her newly pierced naval. Gideon swallowed and took a steadying breath, usually piercing didn't turn him on but on Elle it was perfect. He looked down at her bare legs and saw a tattoo that he'd never noticed before there too. A full moon with a red glow coming off of it just below it was the shadow of a woman basking in the red light.

"What kind of work are you doing?" He was truly intrigued only able to think of a few jobs that would allow her this chose of attire. None of which he was happy thinking she was doing.

"I'm a bartender. I work at the Washington Pony just down the street. Care to walk me to work." She smiled and her straight white teeth showed from between matching fire red lips. Nodding he turned and waved her on down the steps in front of him watching the sway of her hips as she did.

"So what did you come by for?" Elle asked after they turned the corner and the sound of loud pulsing music could be heard above anything else. Opening his mouth he didn't knew what to say. Deciding the truth was the best way to go he opted for a version of it.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. It's not the same around there without you there." Pulling up just short of an ally way she looked at him and tilted her head to the side.

"So you missed me?" She asked looking at him from under her heavy painted eyelashes. Not wanting lie to her he shrugged hoping she'd take it as a more or less. Apparently she did because she smiled again and reaching out she pulled him toward the ally way. Pushing open a door at the side of the bar she pulled him in with her. It was the kitchen; there were several yells of greeting which Elle acknowledged with her own. She still held his hand, her small cold soft hand fitting perfectly inside his larger more rough warmer hand. She led him toward the interior of the bar were several people were gathered drinking and talking. Several suit and tie types were sitting at the tables around the room and still others filled the line of stools along the bar. He didn't knew that this bar had existed until tonight but it seemed like it was full of the rich blooded types who needed a place to unwind after a day of work.

Elle left him at the main end of the bar and moved to the wall where she pulled an apron from a hook and punched the clock on the wall. Coming back over to him she smiled and asked him what he'd like to drink.

"I shouldn't drink, you know how work is, never knew when I'm going to get called in." Nodding she looked down the bar were another woman in a very similar outfit to the one Elle was wearing was taking an order from two men.

"Then how about a soda instead." Gideon nodded and she moved down the bar to get his drink. He watched her and noticed, much to his dismay, that so did several of the other men. But Elle came back to him smiling and propped her hip against the corner as she watched him take a sip of his drink.

"Thank you ma'am. What do I owe you?" Elle shook her head and said it was on the house because he was a law enforcement official and everything. She excused herself to go and clear a table in the back of the room.

The evening flew by and Gideon just sat there on his bar stool, taking a drink of soda occasionally and watching as Elle interacted with the people inside the bar. She seemed so in her element here, with the suits and ties and the skimpy outfits, not that she looked like a whore or anything but she just seemed to fit into the role of bartender so well that it was hard for him to imagine that just a few months ago- God had it really only be a few months- she had been shot and shot a man before quitting the job that had seemed to mean so much to her. But then again having a near death experience changed a lot of people.

When the clock struck one in the morning the bar began to close down and he waited on Elle to finish up before offering to walk with her home. She nodded and taking his hand they left the same way they'd came in. Silently they made there way down the lamp lite street. Gideon wanted to say something but he couldn't just blurt out anything and there was nothing he could say that would sum up what he was feeling in this moment. It was so peaceful being with her, he'd never been with anyone the way he was with Elle. He'd never loved anyone the way he loved her.

"So this is my stop." She said once they stood on the front porch as she dug her keys out of her coat pocket and turned to unlock the door. Stepping inside she turned and looked back at Gideon. "Would you like to come in for a while?" With a nod he entered the house and looked around.

There were a few pictures on the walls mostly decorations that didn't have any outside significance. There was a plasma screen TV on one wall straight across from a large sofa that looked like it had been slept on the day before. On one of the end tables there was a photo moving closer he picked it up and looked at it. He nearly dropped it when he saw that it was of the two of them at the Christmas party last year.

"Oh, Morgan gave it to me not long before I left and I just put it in a frame and stuck it there. I didn't even realize that it was there." She said looking a little uncomfortable that he had seen the photo. He'd forgotten they'd even taken the picture until now.

They had their arms around each other and they'd been dancing. He couldn't remember what to but she was laughing and he was smiling. Her red dress was strapless with a split up to the thigh that was lying open to reveal her perfect creamy skin. His hands were on her lower back just above that perfect ass he remembered fantasizing about that night. Reid and J.J. were in the background as was Garcia and Derek. Hotch had taken the picture he remembered now, he'd told them to smile and snapped the picture.

"I didn't even realize how happy you looked in it until now." He had a copy in the back of his bottom desk drawer that he'd thrown back there the day he'd found out she'd quite. He hadn't realized it was the same picture.

"You have a copy of that." She asked coming to stand beside him. Nodding he went on to explain.

"Hotch gave me a copy the day after he took it. I put it in the bottom desk drawer after you quite. I couldn't bear to look at it and knew that at one point in time you'd looked that happy and then you weren't." He turned and looked at her. "I so sorry Elle, I didn't mean for you to get hurt." She looked down but not before Gideon could notice the tears that came trailing down her checks.

"It was part of the job, I flipped, and I didn't realize what I was doing when I did what I did. Not that I'm confessing to anything but I didn't mean for things to happen the way they did." Taking the picture from him she ran a hand over the image of his face and let the tears come more freely. "I must have looked at this picture a thousand times and wonder who that woman that looked like me and smiling was. She sure was beautiful."

"She still is." Elle's head came up and Gideon stepped closer taking him into his arms. She put the picture done on the table again and sank into the warmth of his embrace. She couldn't believe that this was happening, at least not to her. She'd imagined her and Gideon together before but the tenderness hadn't been part of it. She'd imagined he'd be a demanding lover, the kind that you didn't forget easily but the tenderness was something that spoke to her more than the demand. She pulled back and looked up at him just as he looked down at her. Their faces were inches apart and her breathing suddenly became shallow and a little faster than she'd have liked it to be. She shouldn't be this turned on by him just holding her.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't kiss you." He whispered as she looked up into his face and searched his gaze for some sign of something that she wasn't sure she would find.

"I can't think of one." She said after a few minutes and before she could react to anything he leaned down and kissed her. His lips were so soft and his tongue ran along her bottom lip asking silently and demanding at the same time entrance to the canvas of her mouth. She parted her lips slowly and he pressed inside felling the heat and adding to it. She emitted a moan of pleasure from somewhere deep in her throat and leaned further into him. He bent and scooped her up in his arms just holding her against his chest for a moment before pulling back.

"Bedroom." Was all he said and she quickly pointed the way. She knew it; he was going to be a demanding lover, this was just going to be sex. But then way was there this sudden tingle in the vicinity of her heart. She didn't knew and she was to busy at the moment to ponder it, it wouldn't do her any good anyway. They were from two different; make those very different, worlds now. How were they supposed to make it work when he knew the truth about what she'd done? For now one night with him would satisfy her and if she needed more than that she'd just have to live without it. It's not like she hadn't gone a while without having sex, it wasn't like she needed it everyday to survive but what Gideon did to her with just a touch of his lips and tongue wasn't what any normal man could do.

He walked into the room and didn't bother to turn on the over head light, thankfully. She hated doing this in the light; she was always so self conscious about the little imperfections of her body. Gideon laid her down and reached over turning on the small bedside lamp that she used for reading. The rays of light spilled over the bed and illuminated the space where she lay. Gideon stood beside the bed and looked at her, the hard angles of his face softened in the low light. She swallowed and sat up looking him straight in the eye as she reached for the hem of her shirt. Pulling it over her head she felt a rush of cold air hit her bare breasts and harden the nipples into dark brown pecks. Gideon came over and sat down on the edge of the bed reaching out he used his knuckles to learn the slope.

Bending forward he placed a kiss on her collar bone and was rewarded with a shiver. Looking up Elle had her head tilted back and her eyes closed. He whispered her name as he made a track over to her shoulder where the scare from where the bullet had entered her body was. He traced it with his tongue and pressed soft kisses to it as she looked at him in amazement.

_What is he doing to me?_ She thought as she watched him close his eyes and nuzzle her shoulder. _He should be making this feel good. It's just sex, it means nothing. He's not supposed to make the ugliness go away._ Closing her eyes she felt tears begin to sting the backs of her eyelids. He wasn't supposed to make it better.

"What's the matter Elle, baby?" He whispered moving up to her ear while his hand explored the dip of her waist and the curve of her hip. She felt his hand still on her hip and his nose brush against her cheek. The tears came flowing down her face without her permission and Gideon pulled her tighter against him. She clung to him as sobs wracked her body. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to stir her emotions this bad. She wasn't supposed to feel anything.

"I'm not supposed to cry." She whispered against his neck where she had buried her face. He pulled back and looked down at her as tears still made her eyes swim.

"I know." He said pulling her closer to him and wrapping her in his warm embrace. The tears just kept coming; she didn't think she'd cried this much when her father died. Maybe it was all the pent up anger and sadness from her whole life finally breaking free. And Gideon had caused it, with his tender touches and gentleness.

"Do you?" He nodded and nuzzled her neck placing open mouthed kisses down her neck and over her shoulder before coming back to the place where her neck and shoulder met to suckle the sweet flesh there. Elle leaned into him and sighed. The tears were starting to subside and she felt like she could breathe again. Gideon moved from her neck down to her breasts and pulled one dark brown tip into his mouth and tugged gently with his teeth. She let out a moan and threw her head back. She ran her hands through his hair and pulled his closer still. His hands resuming where they had left off exploring her waist and hips.

He found and released the button and zipper that held her skirt in place. Pulling it and her panties down her legs and off he pulled back and looked down at her body. Under his tentative gaze she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. He brought his hands up and smoothed them over her legs feeling the softness. Over her knees and up her thighs his hands came till they rested on her stomach and he bent forward and pressed soft kisses to the taunt flesh. She squirmed under his ministrations, trying to press closer, to feel more of his mouth on her. He kissed around her belly button and stopped to study her new piercing. He wondered why she'd gotten the piercing and the tattoo which he still had to study a little closer.

"Don't ask about it. I was drunk and needed the pain." She said noticing the questions and intrigue in his eyes. Nodding slowly he moved on with his exploration of her long, beautiful body. He came to rest between her legs where a patch of brown hair covered her from his gaze. He parted her lips and pressed a kiss to the pink center of her body. He felt her shiver and buck beneath him. Keeping his mouth busy he moved his fingers down to her entrance. He pushed one inside and began a slow rhythm that had her moaning his name and throwing her head from side to side on the fluffy pillows that covered her bed.

"Oh my God, Gideon, don't ever stop." She said as he added another finger to join his first and felt her muscles convulse around them, he felt his cock strain against the fly of his jeans at the sensation of the motion around its sergeant. Elle reached down and weaved her fingers threw his hair pressing closer to his face. But Gideon knew what he wanted and knew what would keep Elle on the edge. He pulled back and moved back up her body to her mouth and kissed her deeply.

Pulling back again he removed her shirt and stood to remove his pants and boxers. Elle turned on her side and watched him a sly smile curving her mouth. Who would have thought Gideon would look so incredibly wonderful under all those clothes he wore. His chest was muscled and his abs, though not ripped, were firm. And good lord was he packing a very impressive package inside those jeans of his. He knelt on the bed and rolled Elle over on her back. Kissing her he reached out and took her hands in his. Bringing them above her head he held her still while he nuzzled her neck. He loved her body, it was so beautiful and long. There were so many things he longed to do to her but for right now he had to have her.

Reaching down he guided himself into her and watched as she closed her eyes and pressed up to met him.

"Open your eyes sweetheart." He whispered to her when he was all the way inside her. She did and the clouded passion there made Gideon feel like a very lucky man. He usually was a demanding lover, but with her he wanted nothing but perfect tenderness. So that's what he gave her. He pulled out and sank back into her a slow loving rhythm that pleased both of them. They made love for what seemed like hours each giving a little more than they really knew. When their pleasure crested they both fell at the same time and came back down wrapped in the warm cocoon of each others arms. Elle felt with Gideon what she'd never felt with any other man. He loved her the way that a person should be loved, even though he hadn't said it she knew that's what this amounted to. He loved her. The feeling was something that wouldn't be easily replaced or forgotten.

She snuggled against him and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He was so cute when he slept. She knew that come morning he'd have to get up and leave to go to work but maybe she could convince him to come back. Maybe she could convince him that she was worth staying for. Just as she was about to drift off the distinct ring of a cell phone went off and made Gideon roll over and moan.

"I'm so sorry." He said and kissed her hair moving away from her to find his jeans. Pulling the phone from his back pocket he answered it with a clipped, sleepy hello.

"Whoa slow down JJ." He said pulling his boxers up over his hips knowing the whole time that Elle was watching him. Once he was dressed, save for his shirt he sat down on the bed to pull on his loafers and felt her shift closer to him. "Tell Hotch I'll meet him at the airport. I'll be there in a few minutes." He clicked off the phone and looked over his shoulder at her. She nodded and wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Go, I'll be here when you get back." She said knew that her words implied more than it sounded. Had she really meant to say that she'd be waiting for him? Yes, she realized, she had. Because despite everything else and all the reasons they wouldn't work she found herself wanting to try.

"It shouldn't take more than a few days. When I get back we need to talk about what just happened between us." His tone was so gentle. From any other man she would have thought he was breaking it off but with Gideon she could tell he wasn't.

"I'll be waiting." With a kiss she rolled over and pulled the covers over her head listening to him moving through the house toward the door. She heard him lock the front door on his way out and smiled against her pillow. Special Agent Jason Gideon of the FBI's BAU team was a one of a kind man.

TBC 

Please review. Be gentle as is my first Elle and Gideon fic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Inside Your Heaven**

Gideon climbed in his car and started the engine. Pulling away from the curb in front of Elle's townhouse, he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. Many of the things they said had meant so much more than either of them realized. But they would talk about that when he got back from Texas. This was one of the rear occasions when he actually hated the fact that he had been called into work. Elle made him want to just turn off his phone and ignore everything but what they had found in her bed tonight.

As he pulled up to the air strip and climbed out of the car Hotch came over to where he was parked.

"Hey," he said and grabbed Gideon's bag from the back of his vehicle.

"Hey," Gideon replied shortly to Hotch as they boarded the plane and he sat down. Looking around everyone was staring at him and he just stared back at them. There was no way they could knew that he had just made love to Elle but with the way they looked at him he would have thought they could read his mind.

"Okay, here's what we have." Hotch said diverting attention from Gideon to himself, a small miracle that he was thankful for. He tried to listen to Hotch, he really did but his mind kept going back to bed with Elle and how she'd cried on his shoulder. Their relationship was going to be difficult but they would figure out a way, they had to. He couldn't lose her again.

_**FOUR DAYS LATER…**_

Gideon pulled up just as a furniture truck was pulling away from Elle's house. The new dining room table and chairs were taken as a sign she wasn't moving. He should have called ahead but he'd wanted to surprise her, wouldn't you knew it but she was surprising him. He'd brought her back a gift from Texas, just a little something to say _I love you_ without really saying it. He wasn't ready for that step yet.

Sure he loved her but he wanted to be absolutely sure that Elle was having somewhat of the same emotions for him.

_Let's face it,_ he told himself as he skirted around the contents of the porch and peered into the open front door, which wasn't a very good idea in any neighborhood. _At your age you only get one chance at love so don't waste it on something that won't get you the results you want._ Not that he was expecting anything from her, he was sure this was probably a temporary thing but he couldn't help having a small flicker of hope that maybe she possessed some of the same feelings for him that he had for her. He stepped inside closed the door and began to pick his way through the house.

There were boxes everywhere most of them labeled with a magic marker telling which room they went it. He found Elle amongst a pile of boxes in the kitchen. She was wearing a pair of blue jean shorts that had been cut out of regular blue jeans and now road dangerously high on her thighs and low on her hips. She bent over and the material stretched over her ass making Gideon smile and lean back against the doorframe. She came up with a large stack of plates and carried them over to the cabinet above the sink. She reached up and the tank top she was wearing rose up to reveal her flat stomach and dangling belly button ring.

She placed the plates inside beside a bunch of saucers and then turned around. She started a little when she seen him standing in the doorway. The shock was quickly replaced by a smile as she walked back over to him. God she looked better than ever after four days. When she got in arms length he reached out and pulled her to him. She snuggled into his warmth and smiled up at him. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and worked his way down to her lips.

The kiss was full of passion and she felt her heart shift in her chest and had to remind herself to keep her emotions in check. This was no time to go all mushy on him. They both knew that this was temporary on his side but the fact that she felt something when he kissed her, something that she'd felt with no one else made her hope that this would morphine into something more.

"I missed you." He said when he pulled back from her. He cradled her face between his big aging hands, the feeling was so great. She leaned into him and pressed him back against the wall a little more. She kissed him again her hands moving over him finding and feeling the muscles that no one would know were there. Her hands wondered under his shirt and up his chest just feeling his warm skin. She wanted him; there was never any doubt of that. After four days all she could think about was getting him into bed and undressed. Attempting this feat she pulled him away from the wall and began to push him gently toward the stairs.

Gideon stopped her in the living room. Pulling back he put his hands on her shoulders and shook his head.

"I want to talk to you about a few things?" He said pulling her toward the new couch that still had the plastic on it. She sat down in one of the corners and pulled her feet up in under her. She looked at him smiling and he sat down beside her reaching in his coat pocket for the gift he'd brought her. Holding out the long black box she looked over at him and the smile on her face grew wider. She took it and carefully undid the ribbon and bow on top. Pulling the box open she gasped and put her hand over her mouth.

"Gideon, it's so beautiful." She pulled the bracelet from the box and held it up. It was a gold circle with diamonds placed around it and charms that hung from the chain. "I love it." She said and unclipped it wrapped it around her wrist and secured it in one easy motion. She bent over and kissed him softly pulling back she smiled at him and sat back against the back of the couch.

"Call me Jason and I hoped you would." He turned toward her and dropped his arm across the back of the couch where she sat. His hand rubbed up and down her arm from her shoulder to her elbow. He watched as she gave a small shiver from the contact but ignored the hot arrow of need that shot through him.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" She asked moving just slightly closer to him. He pulled his hand away from her arm and reached down to take her hand in his. God, how did you tell a woman that you loved her without really telling her?

"I just wanted to let you know that I don't regret what happened between us four days ago. I know that it was kind of sudden and that we don't really know all that much about each other but I do know that I felt something with you that night. Something that I've never felt with anyone before." Elle felt her airway contract and it became hard for her to draw a breath.

"I don't regret it either." She whispered and looked away from him at the coffee table. The mixed emotions inside of her swirled and making her stomach feel up with butterflies the size of a 7-40-7. Had Gideon, excuse her…Jason really just danced his way around saying I love you.

"Good, now that that's out of the way I wanted to ask you something else." Elle brought her gaze back to his and found him smiling at her. She hadn't seen him smile many times before but it was the same every time. The smile always reached his eyes and lighted them with the happiness that he felt. It was like nothing that she'd ever seen before. His beautiful blue eyes danced now with the light and she felt her heart contract in her chest. How could she love him so much? After everything that had happened throughout her life. How had she still found love in one of the most unexpected places?

Jason continued when he realized he had her attention.

"I want us to go out and have a real date. We skipped that very important steep and I want to go back and cover all the basics. If this relationship has any chance of working out we have to make sure we do it right." Elle's breath came out in a whoosh as she listened to Jason. He thought of them as having a relationship.

"What do you mean _this relationship_?" He smiled at her and brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles.

"I don't sleep with someone I don't plan on having a relationship with." He whispered as he bent forward and pressed a kiss to her exposed neck. She let her head fall back as he kissed his way down her sweat sticky neck. Stopping at the low dip of her tank. He pulled back and looked around at all the boxes that littered the floor.

"Did you decide to do some remolding while I was gone?" Smiling she reached over and ran her hand down his cheek. God, his skin was so smooth. He was clean shaven and smelled like Ax cologne.

"I just got to looking at the place the day after you left and decided that I didn't want it to look so empty anymore." He caught the underlying message in her sentence. She really meant: _I didn't want it to look so empty now that you're in my life._ It made him smile because she had thought of him.

"Well, whatta you say we get up and get this stuff where it's supposed to be then we order a pizza and have dinner in bed while we watch something good on TV." She hopped up and extended her hand.

"I think I really like that plan." She pressed a quick kiss to his lips and then turned and looked out over the sea of boxes. "Just pick a room and start putting things up. If you're not sure about something just yell. I'll be in the kitchen." She stepped over a box and then made her way back into the kitchen. Jason reached down and picked up a box that was labeled bedroom and started up the stairs. This could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

**TBC  
**

_Write me and tell me what you think. Still don't have a beta because still don't have internet at home. Please review because I love hearing for all of you. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Not sure what the newest member of the teams name is and didn't have time to look it up. Am very busy and am writing this between doing some damn term papers that **three** of my teachers gave us and studying for an exam that will decide if I pass my foreign language class. So please just bare with me on this one.-KC_

**Chapter 3: You Found Me**

Jason lay near the foot of the bed and ran his hand up Elle's leg. He stopped at the tattoo and rose up a little to examine it better.

"Is there any significance to your tattoo?" He asked her as she ate half of the chocolate ice cream she'd gotten when she'd went out to get Chinese for dinner. They had worked until neither of them could stand it anymore, when they'd began to look through the phone book she had changed her mind about the pizza and asked if they could get Chinese instead. Of course Jason had agreed. But she hadn't wanted to order out but instead insisted that she could pick it up when she went out for ice cream. So he'd waited on her to get back and they'd gone up stairs.

They hadn't made it to the watching TV once they'd finished what they wanted of the food they'd made love and now they were just laying on the bed. He was watching her eat the ice cream and studying her piercing and tattoo. The new Elle was a whole lot more laid back and not as tense as she had been when she'd worked with them at the BAU.

"No, it was just the first thing that I saw that I liked. The tattoo guy looked at me like I was crazy but I told him that's what I wanted and he did it." She raised her leg up a little and looked down. "I never really looked at it. The next morning when I got up it hurt like hell. Once it healed I just kind of forgot it was there." Jason ran his hand over it and she shivered. He could turn her on with just the simplest touch of his hand.

"Do you have to work tonight?" He asked and Elle shook her head.

"No, I only work at the bar three nights a week. The rest of the time I work at a consulting firm as a secretary. It's just a nine to five job so it's not really all that bad. I get Saturday's and Sunday's off every week. It's nothing like when I worked at the BAU. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed it but I missed having time off for myself." She looked at him and he could see the sadness in her eyes. "When I quit, at first, I didn't miss any of it but then after a while I started to miss you. I wanted to take back quitting and not going to that see that damn psychiatrist but after a while I told myself that it didn't matter anyway. I thought you weren't interested." Jason moved back up the bed and stretched out beside her.

He took the half empty ice cream container from her and put it on the night stand. Elle had cleaned their food mess off when she'd gone to get the ice cream.

"I was always interested Elle, I just didn't think you were interested." He pressed a kiss to her lips and pulled back putting his hand over her cheek. "Let's face it I'm not exactly a spring chicken. I thought that there was no way someone as young and beautiful as you would want to be with me." Elle smiled and rubbed her nose against his.

"How could I not want to be with you? I felt something different with you from the start. You made me want to laugh when I shouldn't have and I trusted you. I'm sorry that you though I wouldn't be interested but I was." She ran her hand over his back and gave his ass a little squeeze surprising him. "Very interested." She whispered and kissed him rolling over on top of him.

Elle woke up the next morning wrapped in Jason's arms and felt a smile tug at her lips. He was so handsome when he was asleep. It took about ten years off of his face. The seriousness wasn't there and he looked more relaxed. She shifted on the bed and rolled toward the edge. His arm came out and wrapped around her waist pulling her back to him.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked his voice husky with sleep. Elle smiled and pressed a kiss to his bicep. God she could really get used to waking up beside him every morning.

"To take a shower then I was going to make breakfast and finish painting the guest room." She said as she rolled toward the edge of the bed. Jason groaned and pulled the pillow from under his head to cover his face.

"Can't it wait?" He mumbled. "I thought maybe we could stay in bed today and just make love." Elle stopped digging in her drawer from a pair of panties. She rose up and considered it. It would be nice to just spend the day in the bed with him and forget about her responsibilities for a while. But she knew that if she didn't get it done soon it wouldn't get done. That was one of the few things she didn't like about herself, she never finished anything she started.

"I'm sorry baby. If I don't get it done it won't get done." She grabbed a pair of panties and walked to the closet for something to wear.

"I'll do it." Jason said sitting up in the bed and watching her as she flipped through the clothes. He noticed that all of her conservative outfits had been replaced by things that showed a little skin and were made to make a woman look sexy.

"When Jason? Between work and flying off at a moments notice to the next city or town that needs your help." She didn't know why suddenly it made her mad that he would have to leave at odd hours and be gone for days at a time. It wasn't like she hadn't at one time done the same thing and she knew that he would be fateful. He loved her, she could feel it in the way he touched her, she could see it when he looked at her, and she could taste it when he kissed her. But suddenly she realized they hadn't had a serious conversation. They'd enjoyed their romp between the sheets but she'd wanted more. There was still that nagging little voice in the back of her mind that told her she couldn't be happy. That she didn't deserve to be happy after she'd killed that man.

"What?" Jason looked at her as if she was speaking some foreign language he didn't understand. "Where is all this coming from?" Elle turned away and grabbed the first thing she saw. She took off out of the room toward the bathroom and locked the bathroom door on the way out. She didn't want to talk to Jason, not right now, there wasn't any reason for her to have brought up all those things but it was just there, in the back of her mind. So she'd had to give it a voice.

She turned on the shower and stepped in under the hot water. She washed vigorously working out her anger and then she leaned back against the shower wall and cried. Just broke down, she cried and cried until the water ran cold. She had no idea how long she'd been in the shower and she didn't really care. She kind of hoped that Jason was gone when she got out.

Sure enough when she walked out she found a note taped to the bedroom door.

_I had to go out and I don't know when I'll be back._

_We'll talk when I get back though._

_I really want to make this work El._

_Love,_

_Jason_

_P.S. Call my cell phone if you need anything._

She wadded the piece of paper up and threw it in the garbage can. She found the bracelet he'd bought her in Texas and shoved it back in the box then into the back of nightstand drawer. She didn't want to look at anything he'd given her; she didn't want to think about him. He had just up and left. That's what her life would be like if she stayed with him. She would leave to run to the store and come back to find him gone and putting his ass on the line for some dead people he didn't even know. Maybe it had been a mistake to even start to get involved with him.

God, she was so messed up. One day she was madly in love with him and the next she was counting all the pros and cons of being involved with him. He was right they'd have to talk when he got back, seriously talk, no sex or kissing, just talking.

Jason sat on the plane and looked out the window. Hotch sat a few feet away beside AJ discussing their case. Reid and Derek were playing chess and the new girl was watching them. He was sitting alone looking out of the window, left with nothing but his thoughts and his cell phone lying on the table in front of him. He prayed she'd call him but he knew better than to get his hopes up.

Hotch looked over at him and frowned. There was something wrong with Jason; he could tell it by the way he'd turned Derek down on a game of chess. He was only half listening to AJ the other half of him was worrying about the man who was his best friend. He knew about Elle and his relationship he'd told him not long after it had first happened. He could only guess what was wrong with the other man. He turned his attention back to AJ and silently prayed that whatever it was it would blow over quickly. Jason deserved to be happy. If anyone of them did it was him. He needed that hope and that stability.

**TBC **

Read and Review. Can't wait to hear from you. My e-mail has changed, I now have limited internet access at school. My address is: tiffany. so send any private comments there. Thanks for reading.

-KC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: My Biggest Mistake**

Jason had been gone for almost a week. Elle sat beside the living room window watching every car that went by and praying he'd come to see her once he got back in town. She had really screwed up with him when she'd locked herself in the bathroom that day. Not that it was her fault; she couldn't have controlled her feelings about the issue if she had tried to. She let her emotions get the best of her.

It was getting late, the sun already having started to set an hour ago. It had been a hot day; one of Quantico, Virginia's record high's for this time of year. She really needed to get some sleep for work in the morning. It was Wednesday so tomorrow she had to work at the Washington Pony; her secretary work was over for the week think god. She hated the job but it paid more than most, so she'd plaster a smile on her face every Monday-Wednesday and play secretary till she found something better. Which wasn't likely to happen anytime soon.

For the past few nights, after she had gotten over her silly little phase, she had been sitting here and watching the cars go by and hoping one would pull into her driveway and be Jason, or every time the phone rang she'd jump and run hoping it was him. But there was also that dread it was Hotch calling to tell her something had happened. So when a black SUV pulled into the driveway her heart rolled over in her chest and landed in her throat.

The man who stepped out was dressed head to toe in black and he had his back turned so she couldn't see his face. Even when he turned to walk up the front walk and onto the porch he had his head down and one hand in his jacket pocket fiddling with something. Elle felt a moment of fear but quickly shoved it away, she had a gun and she knew how to use it.

The man knocked and she made her way to the door stopping at the end table to retrieve her gun. She unlocked the door and crocked it, pushing the safety off the gun. The man looked up and she dropped the gun throwing open the door and throwing herself into the man's waiting arms.

"Jason." She whispered as she pulled him close and hugged him tight against her. She felt tears sting her eyes and buried her head against the skin of his neck. He smelled like the woods and bar soap.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up. It felt so good to hold her after being away from her for a week. He breathed in the scent of the strawberry shampoo she'd used and a faint undertone of the blueberry body wash that she loved.

"I missed you so much. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for losing my temper with you. I know it's not your fault for your job and I shouldn't give you the chose of me or you work. It's extremely unfair of me." She pulled back and looked up at him. He was staring at her but he was smiling. Raising her hand she brushed it over his stubble cheek and smiled back. "What are you smiling about? I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."

"Think we could go inside and have that serious conversation?" He asked looking past her at the new decorations. It hadn't been complete when he'd left and no that it was he felt a little left out. But he was fixing to render that. If she accepted the offer he was going to make her.

"Sure." She stepped back but took a hold of his hand. She was acting like if she let him go he might disappear forever.

They sat down on the new couch, she'd removed the plastic and the soft material felt good against her bare legs. He turned so he could face her and kept her hand tightly in his. The smile he'd been wearing at the door hadn't disappeared and she felt better for it. She could still make him smile so she couldn't have messed this up as bad as she'd feared.

"Now what were you saying at the door?" He prompted lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles gently. She swallowed past the lump that was forming in her throat and took a deep breath. Slowly she exhaled it and continued her apology.

"I was saying that I was sorry for acting like a bitch and that I didn't mean to ask you to choose between me and your job. I know that I didn't exactly say it but I think that's what I was doing and I shouldn't have done that. I missed you and I don't want to have to live without you. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can be happy, not just content but happy. I haven't been happy in a long time." She paused and watched as he moved a little closer to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward him. She snuggled against his side and tucked her feet under her.

"I'm glad I can make you happy. You make me happy to Elle. That's why I have a very important question to ask you." Suddenly the smile from his face was gone and he looked extremely serious. It scared her for a moment but she pushed the fear away and nodded her head telling him it was okay for him to continue. "I'm going to ask you something that will change both of our lives forever. I want you to know that I've had a lot of time to think over the past week and I was completely miserable without you. I kept thinking that when I came back you wouldn't want to see me. I kept wondering if you were even as I was sitting there in a squad room writing me out of your life. It scared me Elle, and not many things do that." He got off the couch and sank down to the floor on one knee. She looked at him confused for a moment and then realization came over her. Tears immediately sprung to her eyes. "Elle Greenaway will you do me the honor be becoming my wife?" From his jacket pocket he produced a black velvet jewelry box.

He opened it and a diamond bigger than Elle had ever seen peeked out at her from a gold band. She smiled and laughed letting the tears come flowing down her cheeks.

"Oh Jason." She whispered as he reached forward for her left hand and slid the ring onto her ring finger. She gave a goofy hiccup and closed her eyes.

"Elle, I need an answer please." She opened her eyes and looked down at him smiling.

"Yes, yes, yes, YES!!!" She screamed throwing herself into his arms and kissing him passionately.

**TBC????**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Confessions Of An Ex-Special Agent**

"Hey, hey, how's the groom this lovely summer morning?" Morgan asked as Jason climbed aboard the plan with the other members of the BAU.

"Better than he was the last time he was called out in the middle of the night." He replied as he lowered himself into a seat beside Hotch and leaned back. "I'm going to have to get some sleep on the way to California."

"Elle keep you up late." Hotch asked looking up from the file in his hands toward the man who had been his friend for the past twenty some odd years.

"I'd forgotten how rambunctious a younger woman can be. She could go for hours and sleep; she doesn't sleep unless she's so exhausted that she can barely stand. We finally set a date for the wedding and she's been all excited and running around asking my opinion about everything. I told her whatever she picked was alright with me and the she freaked out and started yelling and screaming at me that I didn't care and that I didn't really love her. I slept on the couch for four nights before she finally forgave me. Oh, Reid, Elle wants me to ask you if you'll walk her down the aisle, since her fathers dead and she has no one else she wanted to know if you'd do it." Jason watched as the young man stared at him. Disbelief colored his face and made his eyes wide; Jason felt the urge to laugh but held it in. He would normally have never been so open about his life with Elle but this was his team, it was his family.

"I'd be…honored to walk Elle down the aisle." Jason nodded and leaned his head back again. He shut his eyes and sighed. All the shades of pink and green and blue that Elle had been hounding him to look at and pick one of for weeks floated around in front of his closed eyelids making him want to scream. Who would have thought planning a wedding would have been so frustrating? But then he saw Elle's smile when he'd asked her felt her kiss when they'd made love on the new sofa, and it was worth it.

"I didn't know that were so many different shades of pink and blue." He mumbled as he shifted a little in his seat. He heard Emily Pretiss laugh and Reid citing statistics about the two colors and then Morgan and JJ telling him to can it. It brought a smile to Jason's face and with that image he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Elle ran out of the house and into Jason's waiting arms six days later. He scooped her up and wheeled her around kissing gently on the lips. She laughed and pressed her forehead against his. She heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see the whole team standing in their driveway.

Letting go of Jason she started forward a smile on her face and a spring in her step. She shook hands with Hotch and JJ, said hello to Emily, gave Reid a kiss on the cheek and enveloped Morgan in a bear hug. When she stepped back everyone just kind of stared at her.

"You all must be tired, come on in and have a seat. I just redecorated a few weeks ago and I've been hounding Jason to bring you all home for dinner. I hope you can stay, I fixed a few things. I have turkey and mashed potatoes and corn on the cob and fresh green beans and um, gravy and stuffing and…" They followed her and Jason up the steps and inside the house as she rattled off all of the things she'd prepared for Jason's return. She usually didn't cook a large meal and she hadn't really felt up to it this morning when she'd woken up. For the past few weeks she'd been feeling really sick in the mornings but it seemed to be going away. She hadn't thought much of it until she'd missed her last menstrual cycle. Elle had always been regular, even when she'd been a teenager; it had been something that was as predictable as taxes. But she wasn't to worried about it thinking that it was probably just stress from planning the wedding.

"Wow, I didn't know you could cook Elle." Reid said as they walked into the house and she went straight for the kitchen. She looked at him over her shoulder as she stirred the pan of turkey gravy on the stove.

"It was one of the few things I learned from my mother. Every woman should know how to cook. Mom always said that if I wanted to keep my man happy to keep him feed." She felt Jason come up behind her and wrap his arms around her. She leaned into him and kissed his cheek. He smiled and she felt her heart skip a beat. It still amazed her that after only a few weeks that they could have fallen into such a comfortable routine and though his constant absence bothered her occasionally she had learned to accept things as they were.

"Well, she must have done something right because it smells delicious." Hotch said as he sat down with the rest of the team at the table in the dinning room just off the kitchen. Elle looked at him over her shoulder and he just glanced at her. She felt her heart twitch and had to clear her throat. She wasn't sure how to feel about him being here. Out of all the members of the team he was the one she was must uncomfortable around. And there was a damn good reason for it. He knew things, things that she'd done that she hadn't told Jason yet. He knew that she had killed that man because of what he was. Btu she let it slid. She didn't want to make a scene about something that wasn't a part of her life anymore. She had moved on and she was happier because of it.

Dinner went by fast and before she knew it she was sitting on the porch with Jason watching as the team drove away. They waved and then the streets were silent again. Turning she glanced at Jason who was leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on the banister eyes closed and hands clasped together over his stomach. She smiled and turned away from him looking up at the stars. She had just begun to count them when he spoke.

"Reid said he'd walk you down the aisle." She looked over at him and nodded.

"I thought he might. Thank you for asking." He opened his eyes and looked up at her. She could see that he wanted to say something else but didn't know how to word it.

"Well, out with it. I can tell you have something else on your mind." He nodded and looked out across the street at the roses that bloomed in their neighbor's yard.

"I was talking to Hotch today; we had some down time while we were waiting on the plane, and the subject turned to you." She suddenly understood what he was about to say and wished to god she didn't. "We talked about your work at the BAU and our personal relationships with you and then about the shooting." He turned his head and looked her in the eye. She swallowed but didn't turn away, he had to know the truth and she had to tell him that truth. "I understand why you did it." The words came out and Elle had to take a minute to process what he had just said. He wasn't asking her if she was guilty or innocent, he already knew she was and he was telling her he understood why she had done it. He was telling her that he knew and it was…okay.

"How can you know what I've done and still love me?" A smile graced his face and he got up from his seat. He came over and hunched down in front of her. He put his hands on her knees and looked at her. She was so beautiful and the tears that were welling in her eyes only added a layer to that beauty.

"Because I love you with my whole heart and nothing, nothing will ever change that." He bent forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead laying his against her he let her get a grip on her emotions. The words she had wanted to say after the shooting, the reasons she had had for taking the man's life seemed to bubble to the surface and she found herself telling them to him.

"I couldn't let him walk away, couldn't let him get away with what he was doing to those women. I didn't think the system was going to work this time and I couldn't stand the fact that he would be out there walking around, among all those young women picking one and hunting her. I couldn't stand that fact that I had failed at my job and because of that some sicko was going to walk. I couldn't leave it all up to the system and I know that it sounds like a vigilante thing but I had to take care of it myself." She pulled back from him and watched the emotions that played on his face. Love, support, trust, it was all there. All the things she needed from him were all right there for her to see. "I didn't want to lose everything but I couldn't keep it, it wasn't mine to keep anyway. I was chasing after something I didn't really want, something that didn't make me happy. And then you came back into my life and made me question everything. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you came back and that you where there for me. I love you." She feel forward into his waiting arms and was wrapped up by the love of her man.

"I love you to Elle baby." She cried softly into his shoulder as they sat there on the floor of the front porch. Their lives together were just beginning and he had a feeling there were more things that she had to tell him but all in due time and all when she was ready. For now it was enough to know this much and enough to know that she knew he loved her.

_**The End!**_


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